My name is Darrell, and I am a person in long term recovery. For me that means that I have not used alcohol, drugs, or any mind- or mood-altering substances since November 19, 2008. I was 45 years old when I finally decided to do something about my drinking problem. I was born into a wonderful loving family and well provided for as a child and through college. Most of my family did not use alcohol or drugs when I was younger. As part of my southern Baptist conservative upbringing, I was taught that drinking and doing drugs was a sin and only bad people did such things. As I grew into adulthood, I learned that a lot more people than I realized consumed alcohol. While most drank socially, some did consume to excess. Eventually, alcohol use became something that was more glamorous or what the “in crowd” did. Something I began to envy.
My first experience with alcohol wasn’t that eventful- a couple of beers at a birthday party. I was 15 years old. However, I do recall the way it made me feel. And I wanted more of that. Those beers made me feel more in control and better about myself. I couldn’t wait to try it again.
While I did drink to excess, alcohol “worked” for me for many years. I did well in my career as a top sales executive at a fortune 500 company, and for a time, it worked well as I entertained clients quite often. Entertainment was encouraged and often rewarded.
There were some consequences along the way, but I never contributed them to my alcohol/drug use. Looking back, those consequences were clearly a result of my drinking problem. Most of the early troubles were things like troubles with relationships; financial responsibilities; or being late to work. Later, the consequences worsened to things like legal troubles (DUI’s) or health issues.
Cocaine is also a big part of my story, but it was in casual use for many years. That only increased near the end of my substance use career. Most people do not understand this but the motivation for cocaine comes from wanting a “pick me up” because I had too much alcohol on board. Cocaine would counter the effects of alcohol, thus allowing me to drink more. Alcoholics understand that. To justify my substance use, I began to specifically choose the types of people I would be friends with or close to. There were a lot of coworkers, clients and “bar friends” that I became close with.
Over the years, more consequences started to happen. Driving while impaired charges happened many times. Many years ago, good lawyers and money could make a lot of those charges go away. The laws changed in the 90’s forcing many people like me to take a serious look at driving while impaired and ultimately my drinking problem in general. It was a DUI that landed me in treatment in the early 2000’s. I did not get sober that first time in treatment, but the seed was planted. The disease of addiction is progressive, meaning if left untreated, it will continue to get worse. And it did. I eventually lost my job and even a house. All the while still thinking I could find a way to drink with impunity.
In the fall of 2008, I woke up one morning in a less than favorable dwelling and surroundings. I’m not sure what made me do it, but I called my parents and asked for help. This was not a surprise to them as I had been distant from them for quite some time. We had some conversations along the way, so I don’t think they were that surprised to get “the call.”
I am so fortunate to have a loving and caring family. They helped to get me in treatment in Winston-Salem, NC. I was allowed to move in with Mom and Dad after treatment, but they participated in the treatment center’s family program and learned a lot about setting boundaries and enabling behaviors. They also learned how to support recovery related activities and NOT support other activities. I attribute them and a 12-step recovery program as key factors to my successful recovery from drugs and alcohol.
For me, I had to make my sobriety paramount in my life. That always came first. I jumped in to 12 step recovery and engulfed myself in the fellowship. I attended meetings daily for the first 5 years or so. I held service positions. I obtained a sponsor as soon as I left treatment. I volunteered at the treatment center that I attended. Things started improving in my life. I was able to become employed, get my license back, and mend relationships.
Today, I live a useful productive life without the use of alcohol or drugs. I’ve been honored and humbled to have taken on a leadership role at a substance use treatment center and expanded it to one of the premier facilities in NC. One goal I’ve accomplished is to make sure that if someone needs help (like I did) that it is readily available and one’s ability to pay should not keep them from getting services.